Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
