When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this beer tastes like vomit already
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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