i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
