i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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