Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
