So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize