so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
