All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
