i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
