I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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