dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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