I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
