If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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