my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
