How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
