I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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