He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
