So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize