but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize