at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
