You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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