I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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