Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
