It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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