Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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