Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
