Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
