While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
