so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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