Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
