You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize