TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
