If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
