Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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