i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
