SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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