did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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