stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize