I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
