At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
