That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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