Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
