here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize