She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
