it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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