So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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