butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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