Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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