dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
