so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
