whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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