so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
