i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
