He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
