Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
