You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
