this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This baby is an asshole
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
