Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
