You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
