so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
