sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
