I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my liver is dry heaving
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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