I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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