I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize