Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
