haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
