I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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