You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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