I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
