I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
