i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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