really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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