I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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