Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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