so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
