Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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