Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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