somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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