I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
