Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
