Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
