im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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