butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
