Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
