You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
