Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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