ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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