i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize