I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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