I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
