there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize