I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
